Bombay Diaries Pt 1 - Agg Bai from Mum-bai

I can now confirm that the 'other woman' in the phrase often used in Hindi, "Pati , Patni aur Woh", which translates to Man, Wife and the other woman (mistress) is not what it seems like. I have experienced a Eureka moment after figuring out who this other woman is. One understands 'the other woman' a lot better and in clear light when one lives in the city. The other woman is none other than (.......drum roll......)  the 'bai' , which is Bombay's term for a maid but literal translation is 'a lady' in marathi.  The city is addicted to them. These Bais who come to your house for a meagre 12- 15 pounds a month are undoubtedly the other woman of every family. Oh my my,  how the world revolves around these lanky, feeble looking women in traditional nauvari sari.

The true essence of Maharashtra..the colourful saris worn in a weird way, tobacco stained teeth, nose ring, tanned skin..  Naah i couldn't care less.  Just come home, wash my dishes, mop the floor, clean the bathrooms and laundry and relieve me from household chores misery. In Bombay, the lady of the house doesn't care much if the husband is late from work or kids fractured a toe in school.. what they worry for is domestic issues in their bai's houses shouldn't disrupt a clockwork like schedule of house cleaning !  It works in a circle, if bai's husband doesn't drink alcohol, he doesn't ask for money and he doesn't beat her up and thus her kids go to school as normal and she comes to work.  Hence, pray every day to God for peace in their Bai's homes [Dear God, Please help Saku Bai's husband give up alcohol.. ]

I find women on the streets/ lifts/ fancy cars/ posh restaurants/ cinemas talking only about one thing - their precious house help all the time. No one cares about dipping grades of their children in school, stock market, their husband's extra marital affairs or global warming. All they chatter about 24/7 is about their Bai woes.


Excerpts from some of my eavesdropping abilities.


- Mrs Tandon " OH Pinky, you know what, Flat 803 pays 1000 rupees more to her bai, no wonder mine has skipped work since two days. These women talk. I cannot afford to pay sheila bai more (teary-eyed)."   Three other ladies waiting for the children's school bus to halt look at her as though its the end of the world from here.     (BAi Politics)


-  On Christmas Party celebrations "Oh Mrs Mehta, my  Susheela bai's neighbour's sister-in-laws son was found unconscious in the bathroom.. when i learnt that, I quickly removed 1000 rupee note and handed it over to my bai.. something to keep her happy and motivated to keep coming to work. what if she goes away for his funeral. Main toh marr hi jaongi. "    All the other ladies go "ohhh"   "yeah yeah"... "tsk tsk"   


-  Two ladies meeting in the lift... "Ohh Sunita.... Didn't Kanta Bai come today ?  You have dark circles" said One. "Arre Bhagwan, what to do, Kanta Bai is mother in law is unwell, i have sent my driver to Lilavati Hospital to get best medicines for her. I hate my life. Why does God do this to me ?"

Every Mumbaikar has grown to believe that life will not function as normal without them. They are on speed dial. They are constantly on your mind.  If you see a woman looking out of her window, and you think awww, look at that woman waiting for her kids/ husband you are thinking wrong, she is waiting for her Bai and no one else. She knows the kids and the husband aint goin anywhere.. but god forbid something happens to the Bai or her family.  A Bollywood actor fancied his Bai so much that he went to the extent of raping her (yikes) and coincidentally his name is Shiney. LOve for sparkly things and people who make that possible ehh Shiney ?  

When the doorbell rings, they all rush to open the door and when they see their bai standing, they break into a ear to ear smile, almost foreseeing the sparkle of white marble floor in their eyes.  


 For the past two years (only), I have done my own cooking, laundry, cleaning, dinner parties without any sort of help from anyone. Well I am single person, so maybe it is a lot easier to handle chores my way. So I cut some slack to all those yummy mummies out there struggling to balance their professional and personal life.Kudos.  But for me, I prefer doing (MOST OF) my work my way. I hate it when somebody butts in when I'm in the kitchen cooking, or sorting out laundry *wink*. I often get cranky and agitated, one of the many qualities I have inherited from my Mom.  Hence I find it strange that a  housewife hires a cook at home to prepare one evening meal. How hard is it to make a meal for your husband ? In fact, why not cook with love and feed your family ? Maybe someday I could blog about ' how to cook the most easiest and quickest meals with love.'  As a life's rookie, I might seem self -righteous, over smart,  and immature but I feel I can manage doing this for my family each day everyday.Well time shall unfold what happens in the future. I am open to even appointing 6 bais, 2 cooks and 4 drivers in the future, being fully aware that all of the these people would be solely responsible for my obesity. 


(Ting tong)  Got to go, My bai is here...  *yuss*

Bombay Diaries

Bombay Diaries is long overdue. Its about lil lil things I have observed about people living here for so many years that makes me crazy- good crazy & bad crazy. People here never fail to amuse me. As bOmbay embraces people of all cultures/ cities,villages, sexuality.. you can meet Delhites, Punjab da Puttars, Idli Lovers from the South and Saurav Dada supporters from the West. (embraces first then bites them in the ass).  Oprah Winfrey says that she hasn't seen so many people in her entire life than what she has seen visiting India for 2 days ! This beloved city's population now crosses 20.5 million. That is more than some of the countries population put together, let alone cities.  For the longest time, people from small villages would come to the city to pursue their dream. Most of them seeking star status in Bollywood. Half of U.P wants to be the next Amitabh Bachchan, aspiring actors from West Bengal come to Bombay practising Mithun Da 'I am a Disco Dancer' pelvic thrusts,  the rest of the creative Bongs wanting to be Satyajit Ray. Every other rickshaw driver, dhobi, labourer, man waiting at the bus stop has a story to tell.  When I read Shantaram, its not just the words of Gregory David Roberts that moved me, its not knowing details of the city I lived in for so many years. His story was exquisite. I am such a huge fan of his story, his determination and the kind of balance he strikes with words to describe Bombay. Sheer Brilliance. As you read his words you fall in love deeper and deeper with him and the city is on about.
So here is Bombay without a map. Whether I settle in Spain or Mexico,  rot in Canada or North Korea,  flee to Hawaii or Cornwall,  seek refuge in Abu Dhabi or Greece, escape to Derralkatte or Vegas,  I shall always, always remain a Bombay Girl. And Bombay Diaries will give you a glimpse of the things that I love and hate the most about the city and its people.


Cheers to Amchi Mumbai.. 

Found it...

Never letting you off my sight again.. 

feeling down.. ?

Heres a way to lighten up...

http://www.fmylife.com/tops/top?page=2

Enjoy !

Lip sMackin....... BAD

I am devastated. No NO.. I'm not jobless, homeless or hungry. I am not ill, betrayed, heart broken or cheated. Its WORSE.  I can't find my lip balm. I have been looking for it frantically since last night just like how a fat kid looks for candy. I checked all my handbags. Changing handbags can be a bitch, i tell you ! As we go along we discover ourselves. Damn right ! I have done my bit for now, somebody get me my.. my (battling tears) my green tin. My lips r dry and flaky and they irritate... irritate me every minute.  In London, lip balm is essential component I carry with me at all times.  That because its cold, lips get dry. Irrespective of the size of my bag, my Lil green tin follows me everywhere i go. I must admit, I have carried it in my pockets too, only when my clutch is stuffed. I can survive without a phone, laptop, music, food, car  but only if my lips are moisturised. The two green things most important  are green tea and green tin.  I tried so many different brands, there are none like you.  Don't know where i last kept it *scratches her head*. I took you for granted and now my lips are paying a heavy price. Come back to me. I can't wait to smell the aloe vera in you. I shall never take you for granted. Please...  My brain cannot function with that dirty flaky feeling. 
"Come back... JACK.. come back" (Titanic:1997)

Looked everywhere,

- cabinets

- make up kit

- toiletries

- suitcase

- gazillion purses/ handbags i swapped over last week

- upstairs

- downstairs

- cupboards

- bathroom
- sibling cabinets
- fridge
-microwave (pls god please)

- seriously, where are you ?   

Wait a minute.. Cant find my green teabags too... I smell Sabotage  ! * wearing her "GREEN" ninja suit*

the reins of my life be with Me.

Is there one person you fear the most ? I hope not. Because when you do, life isn't pretty. Four years back, a friend's sibling made me his tarot card subject. I have no belief in horoscopes, tarot and feng shui. I have faith in God but thats about it.  Every question I asked and pulled a card had a strong figure in it. Later i learnt that , that strong figure lurking around my head is none other than my father. I was told that every decision of my life is and will be highly influence by what he thinks. This piece of information, i already knew, i have lived all my life knowing this little 'secret'.  My siblings and I have had utmost respect for the man. And there is a great deal of fear of letting him down.  Now he is a great man, and I'm not going write about his success story and struggle. Every father has a story to tell. I am proud to be his daughter.  He wants the best for us and reiterates that we should achieve more than what he has so far. But to climb that 'EXPECTATIONS' wall is so much harder than i thought. Everything is presented beautifully on a golden plate. Is there any similarities among Gandhi's son Harilal, The Ambani fiasco that the just brought it together, the flak that Abhishek Bachchan got when he first entered films.. all seems to have been burdened with expectations even before their first sight of their shell.  This can either make you or break you.  I don't know where is this going.  I block my dream when i allow my fears to grow bigger than my faith.. 

from fab to flab

When I look in the mirror, I see a person who was once very happy with her weight, until the unwanted kilos got added on. When in London, i  want to lose weight, but the boredom of cooking solo gets to me. Plus when in a foreign country, food cooked by others is most welcomed, whether its a Chinese take away or a kebabish. People eat to live but i live to eat. Once a friend pointed out, 'what is with you people, u eat breakfast and can't stop thinking what u'll day for lunch.. and once lunch is over , u think about dinner'. Now, I'm home, its tougher to lose weight. Mom is feeding me with tasty treats morning noon and night. And my expandable tummy just can't get enough of it. I hate this double chin (bastard) that peeps out in photographs. This time the damage is lot more. seems like the flabs are here to stay. All i do is talk talk talk... very little action. I'll do lunges, crunches. MAybe i should join the gym, I love swimming.. helps to tone, next time I'll climb 7 floors, NO using lifts, no butter on my toast plz, ginger lemon tea in the morning to boost metabolism, only fruit and veg for a week, no bananas, maybe I'll eat half my stomach's capacity..  This are some of the thoughts that come in my mind each minute !  2012.. please be my year to lose all my excess kilos. I'm down on my knees. In a few months i will resemble Guddi MAruti. And i will have to find my Yokuzona.  and we will live in a extra large world..