A Good Samaritan

Juhu is one of the busiest places in Mumbai. Juhu Beach, a popular hang out for many Indians. In fact many of the city tours has Juhu Beach as one its stops. Plenty of roadside eateries , toys and games are on sale throughout the 3 km beach stretch. The parking lots close to the beach are usually busy. This day Vikram and I are returning back to my car heading home. As we walk close to the car, I notice a Maruti Van parked rather out of the usual spots. A little walk ahead , I notice two men beating somebody. Vikram walks near to that car and i walk straight towards my car and then i see what is happening clearly. One man is beating a woman , his friend is what looks like trying ( Rather passively)  stop him. Now one thing you ought to know about Vikram, he cannot stand injustice on women. A lot  many times I have seen him stand up for women being ill treated. Vikram asks the man, " Sab theek hai ? (Is everything alright )". The man looks up, the way he talks and walks its evident that he is drunk, back answers "Kyun ? tu theek karega kya ?  (why ? would you make it alright ?)".  I ask Vikram to sit in the car and we quietly drive off ( just what any other chicken of a human would do *ashamed*). He starts throwing weight on Vikram. Rather rudely. The words he uttered were filthy. He signaled me to take my friend away.  The women steps out of the car is sobbing and limping. I notice that she is not a woman but a transgender dressed in a saree.  She walks up to Vikram sobbing and reaches out to touch his feet. The goon hurling abuses says that its their personal matter , and we have no business to get ask.  Vikram looks at me , I am pale petrified of whats going to happen. I yell at him to get back in the car.  The parking lot is empty.. what are the fucking chances ! Now this bastard of a man is so low that he is thrashing a woman.. he is a goon.. he can do anything.  Vikram is angry, i can see that, he is controlling because of my pleading. He walks towards us, by now i have sat in the car ,   ready for the boy to sit in and we go. Suddenly, the man reaches out to hit Vikram and there is a fight. Now there is lot of tugging and pulling. yelling of swear words. Vikram is yelling at him. I am shitting bricks, i want to take Vikram and run out of this place. I run out of the car and beg people around us to help. I felt so helpless, petrified & shivering. The goon's friend is trying to separate the two.  People who i asked to help, walked up but then looking at the transgender woman, who can be assumed to be a prostitute they walked off. This is what human life in Mumbai is worth of !  The fight sobers down ,Vikram walks to the car. We drive off.  He kept apologizing for what happened. But this is not right. What just happened is not right. This gentleman stood up to an asshole for hurting a woman. This is half the battle. For all you know , he would have beaten her to death now we have left. We drove to the police station, got two cops to accompany us to the spot. What luck the asshole was still present in that parking lot.  The woman changed her statement a million times. I was parked at a distant, so could only hear a little of what was spoken.  An hour and half later, Vikram walks out of the police station. I hear that the asshole was beaten black and blue to the extent of losing his front teeth. The police buy Vikram a cola, and wonder why would anyone jump into a fight selflessly in such a situation. He has won these policemen hearts. Honestly, I cannot take the image of that bully out of my head.

Vikram will rest tonight knowing that he did a good deed.  That woman would rest tonight thinking that some stranger stood up for her.  I am hoping she never finds herself in a situation like this ever again. That asshole son of   b*tch would writhe in pain realizing that not to mess with another human, they just might turn out to be mightier than you can ever imagine. That goon's friend will twist and turn in his bed tonight thinking  never to mess with a woman. And i will rest tonight thanking God for blessing me with a fine gentleman like Vikram Gupta. God Bless you Vikram ! If God makes a few more of you, this world will be a rocking place to live in. 

Feelin HOT HOT HOT

Did you notice my new and improved blog layout ? The lady in her yoga stance is passe.
And plus its Hot in Mumbai and its going to get worse !!  and this blog is feeling it too.. The temperatures in Bombay are dwindling in the mid 30 degrees celcuis.Now a days, the car AC is on full blast, the bedroom airconditioning is on full blast, the office AC's are exhausted with blowing out cooler air on to us. Our power bills for the coming months will have  an extra zero at the end of the figure and that wouldn't be shocked . Mukesh Ambani's Reliance Energy (our power supplier giant) could build another two floors on his billion dollar worth , 27 storeys swanky home. Out of which a brick wall could be my contribution. Psst: a lil birdie , close to the family told me that the Ambani's have  mother of pearl encrusted on the floor.. Even if it snows in Mumbai, Ambani will bill us high. Well , the fifth richest man in the world has got to not polish those precious stones encrusted on his flooring.

Hoping the cool dew droplets on this blog , cool me down too *places an ice-pack on the head*

A tourist in my own city

Its 2.40 pm, Two women waiting at a busy Mahim station. There is no sign of anyone from the company yet. They were told to be there by the ticket counter at sharp 2.30 pm.  Suddenly, I feel a tap on my shoulder, "Did you know that the people of Dharavi generate income worth $1 billion per year?” I am startled.   "Hi, myself Bipin Kumar, i will be your tour guide. Are you ready for a life-changing experience ? ." His dyed brown hair & big Indian smile didn't give us much of what was to come.

 A dear friend and I were wanting to visit Dharavi Slums for a long time. We'd make plans, we'd cancel plans, then we'd discuss , and we'd reschedule.  It was her insistence that I made this visit today, and believe it or not i am grateful to her.  So we signed up for a short Dharavi Tour.

What does one know about Dharavi ? That it is the Asia's largest slum.  What is the first thing that comes to your mind when someone mentions Dharavi ? Open sewers, diseases, poverty ridden slum dog millionaire, filth, dirt ? Well, I thought no different , until this day.

I came back from this tour with mixed emotions. 

When you climb railway crossing bridge in Mahim to enter the area, there is fear of what you will see.  I see foreigners entering Dharavi premises feeling petrified. Honestly, its a feeling of not knowing what to expect. Its only minutes later that Bipin helps you to walk freely and bid goodbye to your fear. There are cinemas that play B grade . C grade movies. Bipin jokes."movie with acupuncture massage, since rats are free residents of the theater."

The question that constantly arises is how ? how do they live in such conditions ? Why do they put themselves through this ? Like they have a choice !  Every time , i read newspapers writing about the spirit of Mumbai. There is a bomb blast and the next day the local trains are running full capacity as though nothing major happened and the newspapers salute the Spirit of Mumbai. That is nothing but a load of crap. The Spirit is nothing but a dying compulsion of showing up at work, the necessity of bringing food on the table for hungry mouths at home.. there is no Spirit of Mumbaikar in it. Mumbai teaches everybody the harsh reality and struggles of surviving. Survival is the ultimate goal of each villager who migrates with hopes.

Dharavi is divided into two parts, Industrial & Residential. The ones who work here , do not stay here. They are the ill fated,  even Dharavi doesn't not wish to accommodate in her belly. These workers head to footpaths of Mumbai city to rest, if lucky their owners would allow them to sleep in the workshops. Children as young as 5 are seen working in plastic workshops, bakeries , leather tanneries. Its saddening to see that there is no safety gear used. The workshops seem like melting caves with temperatures reaching boiling point. How ? How do they survive ?  We enter a soap factory, the only place where I noticed laborers (some as little as 12 years old) are wearing gloves. I ask why ? I am being told that , the materials used in these soaps are so highly toxic that it burns human skin upon contact for more than 30 minutes. God alone knows how many young laborers put themselves through this torment for the owners to provide them, with protective gear.

An Indian Express article states  that the leather artisan industry in Dharavi is estimated to generate a revenue of Rs 2,000 crore annually for Mumbai in 2012. The leather industry is huge, ranking
You think you have problems ? Take a walk down the narrow alleys of the slum. There is a dark alley in Dharavi where not even a ray of light  passes through. its long alley , pitch dark, the two walls almost rubbing on your both shoulder sides. Bipin guides us, the taller ones are asked to slouch and walk since the residents illegally take power supply of the others and that results into many live wires left unattended. As we are escorted through the industrial area to the residential, you begin to see more and more women in colourful clothes. Its a normal day for them, some making papads, some of them cooking food in their 120 sq ft by 100 sq feet homes. In each of these homes there are 6 -7 people living on an average.

The sanitation facilities are heart wrenching. There are public toilets for all. However, for every 1500 people , there is one toilet. "In the morning,even before the break of dawn around 250 - 300 people stand in queues to visit the toilet. What to do ? People have to rush to work.. Everybody is in a hurry"
The wealthy residents opt for Pay in toilets. However, not everyone can afford that luxury each day.

Throughout the experience, you are left with a  striking impression of the kids. As you walk by the alleys, kids from narrow outlets pour out with huge smiles , "Hie" "hi didi"  "hi" "hello aunty" ... countless greetings pour in. While greeting back , we are alarmed about Bipin's instructions about not offering sweets or candies to the kids. They get excited and start following the group. There is no way one can carry enough candy for all of the kids of Dharavi ! 

Dharavi is home to nearly one million people, many of whom recycle waste that comes from all over the world. “The people here, though poor, don’t beg and work with dignity. They earn their living. The government does not recognize this work as it will have to start giving subsidies,” says Rohit Chandra , one of the English teachers of the Slum development project.  “It’s not a slum, it’s Asia’s largest small scale industry,” he says.

Bipin points out that there are four sections to Dharavi as per religion, There are Muslims, Tamilians, Gujartis & the Marashtrians. Believe me, as you cross from one area to the other, one cannot help but notice the change in the women's attire, the sounds, the Hindi slangs , the way women drape sarees, the jewelery , the billboards of various politicians targeting that sector of population , the smells of foods peculiar  to that specific religion. 

Dharavi is a city in itself. Its a different world out there. A world that will bring out many entrepreneurs and stalwarts. I will be all ears to hear their stories of success.

Saturday Night Special : Humiliation for free

Weeks after a raid at so-called Bombay's top rave party, I find some news missing from my daily newspaper. OK, Let me think straight, Mumbai Police's Social Service branch responsible to make every human in the city feel safe has been on a rampage..


They walk into a PUB , shove all 153 party goes in to dirty police van and line them in in police station / govt hospital for Narcotics test. And thus ill treat and humiliate them. Foreign Nationals present at the party are left with a bitter experience to fly out of our double standards ridden country with nothing but memories.. bad bad memories.  
However, this creates a stir amongst the MEDIA. They finally have some 'dope' to cover !
they are jumping of their seats incapable of controlling the adrenalin in their system. 


Newspapers stated that they found some bullocks amount of cocaine & Ecstasy pills in a white plastic bag from that RAVE RAID. A sun down party that terrace top of a hotel in Juhu started at 3pm. This raid took place at 6 pm..  Three hours into the party (READ: a dangerous place where illegal activities take place) all guests must have been stoned on bountiful coke ! However , this was not the case at all.. weeks past this incident, not even a single narcotic test has come out positive. There is no news about it. I ask why ?


Next RAid, i suggest party goers to keep an eye on these nasty police officials.. They must be carrying plastic bags filled with drugs under their shirts that could easily pass as their BEER Belly * paan spit out*


Plus Mr BOBBLE incharge of Social Service is a prick. His criminal record goes a lonnnng bloody way. And he is on a mission to protect women from evil. As a woman, i fear from the COPS not from the public. Men in uniform are to be feared not the common man enjoying a drink or two on top of a hotel terrace.


COPS TURN CRIMINALS (vice versa)  

You know its Monsoons in Mumbai when..

waves doing bhangra at Worli sea face

• we see hideous raincoats laden humans on the street..[a middle - aged pot-bellied man in yellow rain suit with red and blue umbrellas print is not exactly Versace's idea of  Monsoon collection]

• Kids cringe to wake up for school.. (this time cringe for a reason *giggle*)

• all TV channels play Mumbai Deluge 2006 archives in a loop scaring us for our dear lives

• Speed-breakers develop potholes

• Two- wheelers ride like wusses *bhahaha*

• you find confused ladies sitting behind the wheel figuring out their complex wiper system

• these same ladies drift their cars to the right / left without their knowledge *tsk tsk*

• walking on the road is a b*tch as four wheelers happily spray muddy water through their tyres

• potholes develop super potholes

• relishing a chatpata pani-puri from the street can be your express ticket to the hospital 

• the waves go wild , and i absolutely love watching them sippy my cuppa tea.. 

• standing on the Marine drive promenade and battle waves & muddy sea water is fun..

• you do not get bombarded with honks/ mean looks/ abuses for driving slow..  

• you do not look stupid when you fog lights are left on and you had no clue

• ladies in the above situation would struggle to find what fog lights are in the first place and hence drift the car to a diasaster.. you kno the drill..

• one searches for india's national bird to see some delightful dance.. but all we find is pigeon poop

• bad hair days are acceptable... afterall the humidity gets us all !

• i make hyper plans to trek to Kanheri caves..

• None of our trouser's seams retain original color.. they all seem to turn to different shades of brown

• when i discuss dance steps of 'barso re megha megha' with some fools

Nocturnal Insects Repellants

How can a pub / a restaurant or a food joint on the street cause nuisance or even be the sole reason for illegal practices ? What sort of illegal activities that can go on in parked cars  or amongst diners surrounded by lil south indian waiters trying to sell you more food at these places that shall be prevented by putting a ban to late night hotspots ? 


Clearly when GOD was distributing brains, these law makers and so - called "activists" were standing in the TATKAL line for excess hypocrisy ! 


I repeat this thought in many of my posts, "you know whats the more annoying than annoying ? " READING the newspaper. Let me tell you why. The PRESS has got nothing to do with it. Its the news featured on it, and the mahaan "PUBLIC " make news. People who make headlines are low life losers. words fail me to describe the extent of stupidity , I encounter while my way to work.. 


All of last week, I read that one of the nightspots is under scrutiny. Now by nightspots, i do not mean shady dance bars, brothels or rave parties venues. NO.. By nightspots , i mean, places to hangout for the SANE. Young professionals who prefer to go for a drive around the city, not necessarily sloshed as generally perceived, grab some quick bites and drive back home.. 
For instance, AMAR JUICE CENTER.  Once started as a tiny little food joint,  has now become one of the most sought after food joints in Juhu. It has been popular for years and never once have we heard any sort of issues.. God knows how much have the fed the uniformed creatures to run successfully for years ! A place where you get served the most yummy street food right in your cars, how can it be regarded as a places of illegal activities ? All it does is sells food..


Mumbai is bursting at the seams not since a month or so. There are 18 cars and 45 two wheelers fighting for one parking space at any given point ! SO why crib saying Amar juice center is the sole reason for traffic problems in the entire Juhu Vile Parle area...  Places like Ghetto/ Hawain Shack and other pubs in Bandra too are facing the music. WHY ? because agitated residents are fed up chaos caused by these places.. But Bandra is famous for these places, and quiet honestly they have been there for years.. There reason why these residents must have shifted to these "cool" places is to live with the hype and status. Now , that very thing is a big problem.. My question to these angry residents "weren't you all ever young ? "  Bloddy hell, you must have done the same in your youth , then why is it a big problem now ?...   And now in the midst of nowhere there is 'right to sleep' issue needs national importance ?  Club deadlines have been squeezed, pubs are on the verge of being banned, dance bars- thanks to A douche got banned and risen the frustration levels amongst the masses, everything that relaxes a human mind has been BANDH, BANDH, BANDH !!! Feels like social life is a CRIME..
 These "Angry residents" must be parents of junkies who sit behind the dheeraj / bandra and smoke up joints after joints of pure afghani weed !  What should be banned, is not banned... There are restrictions to places and things that make no sense. Amar juice center does not sell your kids weed, the pan shop beside it does.. So wake up and smell the coffee people..  SANE individuals wish to socialize, eat , drink as responsible citizens and putting a stop to pubs is just ridiculous..  I am furious..  Someone, get me a gun.. 

Bijjness

This one word seems fancy... "he has a very big business empire" ..  &  "she is a powerful business woman" these are sentences that we often hear from people around us and with immediate effect we picture there person arriving in flashy cars, living in lavish pent houses, eating gold and poohing platinum.


But not once we think about their struggle, strained family lives, spoilt children and more importantly the efforts these high profile bizzness people take to maintain a steady income.


Employees are on salary, there isn't any risk and in many cases there isn't any gain either. Business is not ever ones cup of tea.  Its damn difficult to survive. Especially in these competitive markets and ever increasing expenses. This could only be termed as a nightmare of nightmares !
Every day i stumble upon a hurdles after hurdles in the office and my mind races to Tata, Birla, Ambani, Warren Buffet, Roman Ambramovich,  How have they come so far ?   
I am in the infant stage of my business growth and i have one too many jumps i need to make. It is only in these past few months i have taken up many challenges. And frankly, i suck at it all at the moment. One things is certain , that i am making my way through. Now there is no looking back.. The only way ahead is way forward.. 

The Indian Head Nod

Ladies and Gentlemen,
For all those unfamiliar with India, here's what is quintessential Indian... The classic Indian head Nod.. Its not an ordinary head nod.. its a cross between yes and no. its the side head nod. Every time a sales person is asked a trick question about his "world best" product , he resorts to the classic head nod. Every time a mother a asks her son (in anger) "Beta , do you smoke ?" The son dodges the question with (ta -da), the classic head nod.  This was pointed to me umpteen times, however last month i experienced the intensity of it.


I accompanied 20 Turkish tour operators as India's leading travel agents association had invited them to experience Indian Hospitality and promote tourism to our great country. What was i doing here again ?
Well, my dear dear father represents this association as the president, hence enters the daughter, who volunteered to travel along with these guests, thinking how difficult would it be to act as a Tour leader. Answer: VERY DIFFICULT.  Every day i had to deal with bus driver, cleaner, tour escorts, guide and local ground handling agents. And every time i asked them about say further arrangements, flight times.. i would get a classic Indian head nod.
Anything you ask.. "Hojayega madam... don't worry hojayega "
Me "Mahavir, flight delay hogayi kya ? check karo please"
Mahavir , " haan.. nahi... shayad.. (head nod) don't worry madam.. time pe aajayega.. i know the airline manager.. i'll make sure its on time"
Me : "hmm.. okay.."


2 hours wait at the airport... Kingfisher airline lady, announces that the flight has further been delayed by phorty five minutes.. When my Turkish friends asked me do they have a reason to worry ? I couldn't help but do the head nod..

Bombay Diaries Pt 1 - Agg Bai from Mum-bai

I can now confirm that the 'other woman' in the phrase often used in Hindi, "Pati , Patni aur Woh", which translates to Man, Wife and the other woman (mistress) is not what it seems like. I have experienced a Eureka moment after figuring out who this other woman is. One understands 'the other woman' a lot better and in clear light when one lives in the city. The other woman is none other than (.......drum roll......)  the 'bai' , which is Bombay's term for a maid but literal translation is 'a lady' in marathi.  The city is addicted to them. These Bais who come to your house for a meagre 12- 15 pounds a month are undoubtedly the other woman of every family. Oh my my,  how the world revolves around these lanky, feeble looking women in traditional nauvari sari.

The true essence of Maharashtra..the colourful saris worn in a weird way, tobacco stained teeth, nose ring, tanned skin..  Naah i couldn't care less.  Just come home, wash my dishes, mop the floor, clean the bathrooms and laundry and relieve me from household chores misery. In Bombay, the lady of the house doesn't care much if the husband is late from work or kids fractured a toe in school.. what they worry for is domestic issues in their bai's houses shouldn't disrupt a clockwork like schedule of house cleaning !  It works in a circle, if bai's husband doesn't drink alcohol, he doesn't ask for money and he doesn't beat her up and thus her kids go to school as normal and she comes to work.  Hence, pray every day to God for peace in their Bai's homes [Dear God, Please help Saku Bai's husband give up alcohol.. ]

I find women on the streets/ lifts/ fancy cars/ posh restaurants/ cinemas talking only about one thing - their precious house help all the time. No one cares about dipping grades of their children in school, stock market, their husband's extra marital affairs or global warming. All they chatter about 24/7 is about their Bai woes.


Excerpts from some of my eavesdropping abilities.


- Mrs Tandon " OH Pinky, you know what, Flat 803 pays 1000 rupees more to her bai, no wonder mine has skipped work since two days. These women talk. I cannot afford to pay sheila bai more (teary-eyed)."   Three other ladies waiting for the children's school bus to halt look at her as though its the end of the world from here.     (BAi Politics)


-  On Christmas Party celebrations "Oh Mrs Mehta, my  Susheela bai's neighbour's sister-in-laws son was found unconscious in the bathroom.. when i learnt that, I quickly removed 1000 rupee note and handed it over to my bai.. something to keep her happy and motivated to keep coming to work. what if she goes away for his funeral. Main toh marr hi jaongi. "    All the other ladies go "ohhh"   "yeah yeah"... "tsk tsk"   


-  Two ladies meeting in the lift... "Ohh Sunita.... Didn't Kanta Bai come today ?  You have dark circles" said One. "Arre Bhagwan, what to do, Kanta Bai is mother in law is unwell, i have sent my driver to Lilavati Hospital to get best medicines for her. I hate my life. Why does God do this to me ?"

Every Mumbaikar has grown to believe that life will not function as normal without them. They are on speed dial. They are constantly on your mind.  If you see a woman looking out of her window, and you think awww, look at that woman waiting for her kids/ husband you are thinking wrong, she is waiting for her Bai and no one else. She knows the kids and the husband aint goin anywhere.. but god forbid something happens to the Bai or her family.  A Bollywood actor fancied his Bai so much that he went to the extent of raping her (yikes) and coincidentally his name is Shiney. LOve for sparkly things and people who make that possible ehh Shiney ?  

When the doorbell rings, they all rush to open the door and when they see their bai standing, they break into a ear to ear smile, almost foreseeing the sparkle of white marble floor in their eyes.  


 For the past two years (only), I have done my own cooking, laundry, cleaning, dinner parties without any sort of help from anyone. Well I am single person, so maybe it is a lot easier to handle chores my way. So I cut some slack to all those yummy mummies out there struggling to balance their professional and personal life.Kudos.  But for me, I prefer doing (MOST OF) my work my way. I hate it when somebody butts in when I'm in the kitchen cooking, or sorting out laundry *wink*. I often get cranky and agitated, one of the many qualities I have inherited from my Mom.  Hence I find it strange that a  housewife hires a cook at home to prepare one evening meal. How hard is it to make a meal for your husband ? In fact, why not cook with love and feed your family ? Maybe someday I could blog about ' how to cook the most easiest and quickest meals with love.'  As a life's rookie, I might seem self -righteous, over smart,  and immature but I feel I can manage doing this for my family each day everyday.Well time shall unfold what happens in the future. I am open to even appointing 6 bais, 2 cooks and 4 drivers in the future, being fully aware that all of the these people would be solely responsible for my obesity. 


(Ting tong)  Got to go, My bai is here...  *yuss*

Bombay Diaries

Bombay Diaries is long overdue. Its about lil lil things I have observed about people living here for so many years that makes me crazy- good crazy & bad crazy. People here never fail to amuse me. As bOmbay embraces people of all cultures/ cities,villages, sexuality.. you can meet Delhites, Punjab da Puttars, Idli Lovers from the South and Saurav Dada supporters from the West. (embraces first then bites them in the ass).  Oprah Winfrey says that she hasn't seen so many people in her entire life than what she has seen visiting India for 2 days ! This beloved city's population now crosses 20.5 million. That is more than some of the countries population put together, let alone cities.  For the longest time, people from small villages would come to the city to pursue their dream. Most of them seeking star status in Bollywood. Half of U.P wants to be the next Amitabh Bachchan, aspiring actors from West Bengal come to Bombay practising Mithun Da 'I am a Disco Dancer' pelvic thrusts,  the rest of the creative Bongs wanting to be Satyajit Ray. Every other rickshaw driver, dhobi, labourer, man waiting at the bus stop has a story to tell.  When I read Shantaram, its not just the words of Gregory David Roberts that moved me, its not knowing details of the city I lived in for so many years. His story was exquisite. I am such a huge fan of his story, his determination and the kind of balance he strikes with words to describe Bombay. Sheer Brilliance. As you read his words you fall in love deeper and deeper with him and the city is on about.
So here is Bombay without a map. Whether I settle in Spain or Mexico,  rot in Canada or North Korea,  flee to Hawaii or Cornwall,  seek refuge in Abu Dhabi or Greece, escape to Derralkatte or Vegas,  I shall always, always remain a Bombay Girl. And Bombay Diaries will give you a glimpse of the things that I love and hate the most about the city and its people.


Cheers to Amchi Mumbai..