Escape to the Ganges

Aap toh bahut alag tourist hain !" I was told when i asked to meet the Aghoris,  translates to "you are not the average tourist i meet every day ." Sounds like a compliment but it wasnt.  It was more of  stop being a pain in the ass ,tourist kinda response. "woh kahan dikhenge ? " [where can i see them ?] He looked at me as though i asked him to donate his kidney.  He asked me for reassurance . "kaun  ? Aghorri ? " Our conversation ended there , when two ladies of the group wanted help looking for a loo.


Yes, I was travelling in a group of 28, more like a tour leader. I usually dont travel with our travel groups but this one was special. All these people were a part of Travel Program in Turkey. So we were filming all across north India. Our last stop was Varanasi also known Benaras. It was my first visit to this vibrant city and I was very excited about it.  This was the only place i could see an aghori.

The word aghori in Sanskrit means non terrifying, ‘a’-‘ghori’ most of the Hindi speaking people would have heard the phrase ghor kaliyug, ghor paap, etc.. it is the same ghor, theoretically these people don’t attach themselves to anything mortal. They do things which a common man finds to be terrifying, so they overcome this terror by going through it, since they do it regularly it is a common thing for them. The Aghori are known to engage in post-mortem rituals. They often dwell in charnel grounds, have been witnessed smearing cremation ashes on their bodies, and have been known to use bones from human corpses for crafting skull bowls (which Shiva and other Hindu deities are often iconically depicted holding or using) and jewelry. Due to their practices that are contradictory to orthodox Hinduism, they are generally opposed. It is also said that many Aghori gurus command great reverence from rural populations as they are supposed to possess healing powers gained through their intensely eremitic rites and practices of renunciation and tápasya. They are also known to meditate and perform worship in haunted houses.  I first learnt about them when a friend mentioned about a national award winning movie and ever since have been fascinated by them.

Mahavir , our local guide told me that they come out of their " dens" post midnight. When my eyes sparkled to that information , my guide looked at me with concern. I knew Mahavir wasnt going to help.  So i asked him, "Chalo theek hai, old salvation house toh dikha do".  

The hostel, a short walk from the Ganges, is a final stop over for elderly Hindus hoping they will shortly end up on one of the hundreds of funeral pyres lit on the riverbank each day.  I see 12 bare, tatty rooms arranged around a courtyard in a 100-year-old red-brick building with green shutters. The atmosphere is far from sombre. While the rest of the world celebrates a new life when a child is born, similarly these guys celebrate death. Its like being on the waiting list to die. Believe it or not, the one stays alive for long is asked to vacate to make space for other ailing ones. This waiting list (to die) has a waiting list.

Hindus believe that dying in Varanasi and having their remains scattered in the Ganges allows their soul to escape a cycle of death and rebirth, attaining "moksha" or salvation.

Soul searching

For me Benaras is all about the faith , the sadhus, the smiles on peoples, the tear that rolls down while praying, the conviction of God which are exclusive to the city. It is weird , intriguing , fascinating and all at the same time. Its a place where Brahmins and Aghoris live in harmony. There is no rule book.

I enjoyed watching the sunrise while on a boat , the ganga aarti , and all the temple visits a lil less than searching for sadhus and old homes. I enjoyed walking through narrow gullys , drinking tea in clay pots , feeding cows on the way, the flower man weaving garlands, chatting with the cycle rickshaw guy, I can go on and on.  Every nook and corner by the river banks has a story. The vivid smell of jalebis , havans, puri bhaji, brewing masala chai, paan masala, weed ,  incense sticks , jasmine flower garlands, ash, sandalwood and even cowdung is all part of the character of this city.

Make a wish

Millions of people come to this city for worship. They are of different caste, creed  and regions. What I saw in peoples eyes is faith. Everything they do is for God Almighty. Some praying for success in business, some for a good spouse  some for an offspring and some for death. 

Its a city of wishes everyone must experience. 

P.S: On the last evening of my trip, as i was walking back to the river bank from a boat ride i spotted 4 aghori sadhus, sitting under a bridge in a dingy corner. I asked a teenage boy , woh aghori hai ? The horror on his face made me break into a smile..  

The Battle Within

I wish the mind and heart thought alike. Or even better, our emotional decision making nerves worked like machines. Need a change ? Simple.. Jot down a few complex looking statements/ commands and feed into your system. I learnt C++ ages ago in school. I am sure even the tribals from Papua New Guinea have upgraded to better programs that find them roots and tubers in the jungles. So in class they taught us, you need a program, feed in the right commands that the computer comprehends and BHAM ! Job done. I want my brain to work just like that. I am i tired of  these thoughts entrenched deep in my mind , how do i get rid of them ? I need a brain cleanse. The reason I have turned down Vippassna  time and again is only because i fear what will be the outcome. My brain would explode of the whirlwind of all those thoughts and issues stacked in some inaccessible part of my brain (if any). I am suffering from dichotomy complexity syndrome. Dunno if this is even a word ! But that's what is going on in my peanut sized brain. My mind know, its bloody damn knows what should be done and what is the ideal step to be taken. It knows. I know. And my heart doesn't follow that. It sings an altogether different tune. Its like my heart and mind are playing a "i know it all" & " YOU the hypocrite"  blame game. If you have reached to read this line, i want to sincerely thank you for reading this crap i keep writing time and again. Sometimes i wonder why do i have to blog ? But them , not that these posts are being featured in some fancy fancy blog worlds that i have to worry about. Its just who who reads me. and thank you.

Coming back on what i was going on about, i am suffering from some weird mental state at this moment. A state where i have to assess, "Am i happy ?", "Am i sad ?" o_0 "Am i being me ?"

The matter of fact is, I know what has to be done. If only i allow myself to refrain from such deadly procrastination.

Confused ? .. Me too. I am sure Dalai Lama can explain.

Change is good..

Isn't it ?  I remember writing this phrase on my fridge with alphabet magnets when life was changing.  That flat , no more belongs me as on today. Now few months later i often hear myself reiterating this. Then i think to myself, wasn't i adapting to something that was new just a while ago... And now here we go again..

life awaits..

I guess one thing that never changes is CHANGE.  I have been naive. I have been guarded. I have been recluse. Today i am strong. Today i am impulsive. Today i am positive. Right now, i am pursuing what i had detested all a few years back. And ironically, i am loving every bit of it. Sometimes , we feel. we know ourselves. I knew myself, well so i claimed. But in the past one year i have pleasantly surprised myself. This soul searching journey has been rewarding.  TOday, i am in a happy place. For the first time, i feel i am taking charge of my own life.. not by rebelling but with my head high..  


Human brain is genius. Sometimes we don't understand our own potential. What we feel, its definitely more we can do. So , if you feel, you know yourself... and you have it all planned, then think again my friends.. life still awaits.. 



"  i feel part of the universe,
    open up to meet me... 
    my emotions so submerged..
    broken down to kneeling


   once listening .... voices they came... 
   had to somehow greet myself.. read myself...
   heard vibrations within my cells... within my cells.. 


  my love is safe for the universe... see me now I'm bursting
  on one planet, so many different turns... different worlds
  singing.. haaaaaaaaah


  fill my heart with discipline, put there for the teaching
  in my head.. see clouds of stairs,  help me as I'm reaching
  
  the future is paved for better days... :-)

  not running from something..
  I'm running towards the day wide awake..    


  A whisper, once quiet 
  now rising to a scream... right in me.. 


 my falling.. free falling..
 worlds calling me..  up off my knees..


 i am soaring, yeah darling..
 you'll be the one i can need and still be free..


 our future is paved with better days.. "
   


 (indeed)