I wish the mind and heart thought alike. Or even better, our emotional decision making nerves worked like machines. Need a change ? Simple.. Jot down a few complex looking statements/ commands and feed into your system. I learnt C++ ages ago in school. I am sure even the tribals from Papua New Guinea have upgraded to better programs that find them roots and tubers in the jungles. So in class they taught us, you need a program, feed in the right commands that the computer comprehends and BHAM ! Job done. I want my brain to work just like that. I am i tired of these thoughts entrenched deep in my mind , how do i get rid of them ? I need a brain cleanse. The reason I have turned down Vippassna time and again is only because i fear what will be the outcome. My brain would explode of the whirlwind of all those thoughts and issues stacked in some inaccessible part of my brain (if any). I am suffering from dichotomy complexity syndrome. Dunno if this is even a word ! But that's what is going on in my peanut sized brain. My mind know, its bloody damn knows what should be done and what is the ideal step to be taken. It knows. I know. And my heart doesn't follow that. It sings an altogether different tune. Its like my heart and mind are playing a "i know it all" & " YOU the hypocrite" blame game. If you have reached to read this line, i want to sincerely thank you for reading this crap i keep writing time and again. Sometimes i wonder why do i have to blog ? But them , not that these posts are being featured in some fancy fancy blog worlds that i have to worry about. Its just who who reads me. and thank you.
Coming back on what i was going on about, i am suffering from some weird mental state at this moment. A state where i have to assess, "Am i happy ?", "Am i sad ?" o_0 "Am i being me ?"
The matter of fact is, I know what has to be done. If only i allow myself to refrain from such deadly procrastination.
Confused ? .. Me too. I am sure Dalai Lama can explain.
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